Just a Spoonful of Sugar...

You know the famous line in Mary Poppins where she says, "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down?" I think that is what we all need from time to time, but not necessarily a literal spoonful of sugar. As can probably be evidenced by my previous post, I  have been in a dry spot lately. I didn't know exactly what I needed until last night (I'll get to that in a minute) when it hit me. Sometimes when we are in a dry spot we just need some encouragement. What I have come to realize is that all I needed was to share with someone where I was at and to hear that I am not alone and that there is an end to the tunnel. Once I heard those encouraging words, I realized that was all I needed. A little encouragement can go along way, which reminded me of a spoonful of sugar.

Last night I met with my pastor. I set up the meeting because I knew I needed something and felt that I needed to talk to the pastor of my church to help me work through whatever it was I needed to work through. I have felt so dry and distant from God lately and couldn't figure out why. I began to realize one of the simplest things ever: I am in a whole new place in life and the transition is something that will take awhile to get used to, and with that my schedule of time with God is something to adjust to as well. I don't yet know what works best as there are so many things I am getting used to. Allow me to just lay some things out here, sorry if I may seem all over the place at times.

Things I am getting used to:

• Being on my own (AKA living independently in my own apartment)
• Having a full-time "adult" job
• Not being in college (not studying and not being around my friends all the time)

With these adjustments has come an interesting spot in my relationship with God. As my pastor pointed out to me, God is always there until we shut the door on Him. I never actually shut the door on Him. Yes, I did at times ignore Him and did not think about Him, but I never actually turned away from God and shut Him out. I still held on to my beliefs, there was just a struggle of trying to figure out what was going on and why I was feeling dry. Throughout this whole entire journey, God has been there every step of the way, leading and guiding me through, even when I felt like He was not there... He had a part in everything!

This brought me to the thought of looking back on when I was in college and what the dry spells were like then. I had times when I felt dry and that my relationship with God was not where I wanted it to be. Even in the toughest times (such as back in February) when I was dealing with a bit of depression, I still trudged along and led a Bible study. And let me tell you, some of those Bible studies were the best. Not because I had a perfect relationship with God, but rather because God was there and was leading and guiding me with each step I took. All it takes to keep you going through a desert is to know that God is there and He has you right where He wants you to be, even when your situation seems the very worst. God has you in His arms and will lead you through anything!! 

This, my friends, is what my journey is all about. Allowing God to lead and guide me with each step in life so that I may find God's will for my life and live my life fully for Him. If you're struggling, pray that God will help you in taking the next step to whatever it is that you need to do. If you struggle to open up and read the Bible like I currently am struggling with, just say a prayer before you read and allow God to lead you. He is there waiting with open arms, all you have to do is run to Him and ask for His help. Be blessed, friends!

...God Still Loves Me

I have come to the realization this morning that I have been waiting to have some revelation or some insight into something before I  make another post. I have realized that that way of thinking is getting me nowhere in my relationship with God and, in fact, is hindering my relationship. The post I made awhile back titled "I Don't Have it all Together" kept popping up in my mind. I came out and told all of my readers that I don't have things together because I want people to know that I am on a journey. Guess what, this journey is not an easy one and it will continue to have ups and downs until the day I reach Heaven.

We don't have to have it all together in order to have a relationship with God. God will love us no matter what!! He takes us in no matter who we are or who we have been and He doesn't want perfection, he doesn't expect perfection. God will love us no matter what and His love for us will never go away, despite who we are; even if we choose to walk away from God, His love for us remains steadfast and constant, unchanged.

I have been fighting so many battles from within that I have been having a tough time lately. I continually think and fear that people do not like me and that I am not as good as anyone else at anything. I always fear that I am doing something wrong at work, despite being placed in a lead teacher position after only 3 months in the field and being told that I am a great teacher and they don't want to lose me. (side story: there is a teacher that is my assistant teacher and they have had some issues with the tone of voice she uses with the children, among a few other issues...note they are 20-24 months old...and so I was approached about how things were with her and, after sharing some of my thoughts, was told that they wanted to make sure everything was okay because they did not want to lose me as a teacher, because I was a great teacher). I don't know why I continue to doubt myself and my abilities when it is clear that I love my job and am good at what I do. I question whether I want to be at this job, and then when I get there and I interact with the children, I feel joy and know that what I am doing is something I love to do and right now is where I want to be.

For example, I work four 10-hour days and so each week I have a day off. My day off is Wednesday, and so this past week I come back into work on Thursday after having Wednesday off. Before I even walk through the door, the kids are running to the door to greet me. That is why I love my job. I see their smiling faces and their open arms desiring a hug and they are such precious children. I was also told by the assistant teacher that the children had asked about me the day before and that made my heart melt, knowing that the children love me and missed me.

This blog is all over the place, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am sharing my journey, which is what the purpose of this blog is all about. I am not going to place my expectations too high anymore with the idea that whenever I post there will be some big revelation. I will post what is on my mind and share what it is like to be on a journey as a single woman who is after God's heart. That is my mission in life: to follow wherever God may lead me, single or not. I want to always be ready for whatever God has for me in my life and whether that is to forever be single or not, I will be ready with an open heart and readiness to go. Be blessed, friends!

Be the Person God Made You to Be! (Part 1)

I want to start this blog out with a short update on where I've been lately. I recently moved out of my parent's house and into an apartment. This has brought on many new experiences and excitement into my life. I first thought that I would finally have the space to spread out and have lots of alone and quiet time, meaning more time I could spend with God. However, I have found myself very much drained and every time I think about spending time in God's Word or praying to Him, a voice inside tells me I'm too tired or I'd rather do something else. So for the good majority of this summer, and the time in my new place, I haven't spent all that much time with God.

After a sermon at church a few weeks ago, I have felt God telling me that Satan has a large grip on me and it is such a scary thought! I could really use your prayers! I need God's strength and power to overcome the evil one and break free from his grip! Satan has caused me to turn into a person that is not who God made me to be and is not who I want to be.

This brings me into the title of tonight's post, "Be the Person God Made You to Be!" I was going to a church while at college and, because I graduated, they had gotten me a gift. I just got it in the mail today and feel totally blessed by their generosity. I received a one-volume NIV full Bible commentary and a children's book by Max Lucado called, "The Oak Inside the Acorn," which is a sweet book. As I was reading through the acorn book, I kept thinking of how I need to be the person that God made me to be.

I decided to look up 1 Corinthians 7 tonight and read it over again, since it has been awhile since I've read that passage. The section titled "Live as You are Called" (in my ESV Bible) stuck out to me. It talks about how each person is to lead the life that the Lord has assigned and called them to and to remain in that position. This got me thinking about singlehood. If we are called to be single, that is how we should remain in this moment. There is a time, reason, and season for everything in life. A time to be single is included in that. Some people are single longer than others. One cannot predict how long they will remain single.

Most of the time I wish I knew if I was going to marry someone, and when that would be, but I have no clue what God has in store for me. All I know right now, in this moment, is that God has a plan and that His plan is far greater than any plan I could have come up with myself. Do not allow yourself to settle for less than God's best. I almost did that once, but that is a story for another time.

I will continue this topic in another post that will come, but I'll leave you with Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep; and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

The Spiritual World & Spiritual Warfare

At my church, we are going through the book of 1 John. Each week a different small section of the book is read and studied. Today we read 1 John 4:1-6. The section, in my ESV Bible is titled "Test the Spirits" and today's message at church was titled "Cultivating Spiritual Discernment." I was not sure what to expect when the sermon started, but God really spoke to me through it.

The main thing that I took away from this message was how real the Spiritual world is. My pastor began to speak about belief in ghosts and at first I was thinking, okay I don't believe in ghosts. However, my viewpoint on that has changed a bit. The Bible does talk about the Holy Ghost and Spirits, so they are real. There are many things that can be confused when look at the world's view and the Bible's view.

In 1 John 4:1 (ESV), it is written "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false profits have gone out into the world." My pastor referred to this as the first lesson on Spiritual Discernment, and that is to develop a Biblical worldview. What does it mean to develop a Biblical worldview? There are three characteristics that are crucial to a Biblical worldview that my pastor talked about. They are:

1. A biblical worldview assumes the reality of spirits and the spirit world.
2. A biblical worldview assumes the spirit realm is actively involved in the natural realm.
3. A biblical worldview assumes there are only two sources of authority and power - and they are at war.

Spirits are real and they do exist, it is mentioned many times over and over in the Bible. Angels are spirits, messengers sent from God. Demons are also spirits, they are sent out by Satan. These two sources of authority and power (God and Satan) are at war. If you haven't noticed, there always seems to be a battle between good and evil, especially in Hollywood!

The second lesson that my pastor said is being taught in this passage is that believing is not to be the beginning point, but rather to "put up your antenna" and have spiritual discernment to discern what is and what is not from God. I found this to be relevant to my own life. I tend to hear something and if someone mentions the Bible or God I tend to think that they must be telling the truth. However, that is not always the case. It is very important that we are careful to not jump into believing something before we take the time to discern whether or not it is of God. 

The last thing I want to share that really stuck out to me in the message was when my pastor talked about how Satan's demons attack us. He talked about how the enemy can "snatch the Word" right out of our minds when we go to read the Bible before we actually read the words. I have found this to be true in my own life. I am experience Spiritual Warfare and this is one thing that is happening. When I go to read God's Word, I feel confused and that I am not comprehending anything and that I might as well not read it because I don't even know what I am reading. This is something that scares me. I want to be in God's Word and to understand and listen to what God is speaking to me. 

Be very aware, my friends, of what Satan can do and may be doing within you...without you even being aware! Satan and his demons whisper things in our minds that we may think sounds good and is of God, when it really isn't. I am interested to learn more about spirits and what the Bible has to say about it. As I learn more, I will be posting what God speaks to me so that others may become more aware through the things God teaches me.

The Journey's Still Going!

I haven't blogged in such a long time. I am still here and the journey has not ended. I question over and over again whether God has a spouse picked out for me. People continue to encourage me that He has someone special picked out, but the time has not yet come. Deep down inside I want to wait for His perfect timing, but I keep hearing a voice that discourages me. What I want to share tonight in my blog post is something that was spoken to me at church today.

My pastor shared from 1 John 3:19-24 and it was an incredible message. It felt like he was speaking directly to me, but I could feel the entire congregation being spoken to as well. He spoke about how Satan sends his demons out to speak lies in our heads to condemn our hearts and make us feel negatively about ourselves and our self-image. We need to push those feelings aside and allow God's truth, His good and perfect Word, to enter into our minds in place of those negative thoughts.

I have had so many negative thoughts entering into my mind and I let them take over my life. This explains a lot of why I have felt down about myself and why I've been grumpy to those around me, specifically my family. When we allow those thoughts to overtake us, we lose our confidence. We then don't have the confidence to come before God and our prayer life has been hindered. I have found that my prayer life has been sort of at a standstill as of late. I have not been able to figure out why it is hard for me to come before God. I have now realized that it must be for this very reason: I have lost my confidence to come before God because I feel like I am not worthy and I need to somehow earn back His love.

Please be encouraged friends, you do NOT have to EARN His love. He freely gives it to EVERYONE. He wants everyone to know how much He loves you. My pastor reference the song "Jesus Loves Me" today and I think that goes back to the innocence of a child and how important it is to keep that part of us alive, especially in our relationship with Christ. We tend to make things too complicated and our Heavenly Father just wants our love. He doesn't require us to do good deeds in order to come before Him. He wants us to love Him and that will lead to serving Him, which will lead to more love all around.

Here is a cute video of "Jesus Loves Me:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AAloccjo3Q Listen to the lyrics all the way through, there are some that I am not familiar in as I remember singing only the short version when I was younger. :)

As we grow in our confidence in Christ and we grow closer to Him, His Spirit will fill us up and we will begin to bear the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control. This is something that I want to experience in my own life. I have been made anew and from this day forward I am devoting to memorizing scripture and filling my mind with His truth rather than the lies Satan sends my way. I am going to put those aside and let in the Truth. Be blessed, friends! =D

February 14

February 14 is just another day in my book, regardless of my relationship status. Sure I may be biased and say that it's just another day simply because I'm single. I am not trying to hide anything, such as wishing I did have a valentine. Yes, I do sometimes wish that I were in a relationship, but that doesn't happen only because it's a "holiday" based around love. That happens every day and I choose to believe that February 14 is just another day. Besides, I don't need a day to tell those I love that I love them.

Will I celebrate this holiday in the future when I am in a relationship? Possibly, but there is also so much commercialism that circles around this holiday that makes me roll my eyes.

There are people who call Valentine's Day the "Singles Awareness Day." Let me tell you this, every time I see someone else start a relationship, it makes me aware of my single status and how I long for a relationship of my own. I see a parallel here with Valentine's Day, and that is the fact that every day should be a day where you celebrate your love for someone, not just one day out of the year.

I think I'm done ranting now. I want to thank you for listening, and please chime in with your own thoughts in the comments below. I don't hate the holiday, I just don't see it as being a significant part of my life because, it is just another day on the calendar.

Who Are You Waiting For?

As someone who's single,  it is generally said that we are waiting for a husband or wife to show up in our lives. What I think we are all waiting for is for God. Think about it. What is the one relationship you can always count on being there. The one who will always be there for you no matter what. That One is God. He is the one I'm waiting for.

The day will come when the bridegroom will come and take his bride away. Don't you want to be that bride?  Don't you think that's why God has placed us here on this earth?  So that he can love and adore us and have us as his own?  This is what I believe. This is what excites me. The thought that I will one day spend eternity with the one I love is one of the best feelings in the world.

Consider all the times God had been there for you. Now think about the times you've returned the same affection to him. I know I've never show as much love to him as he has shown to me. I am going to make sure that I tell him everyday his much I love and adore him so that he knows. When you open yourselves up to this kind of love,  I believe that so many blessings will come your way. Be blessed,  dear friends!

Let me ask this question one more time. Who are you waiting for?

Rock in a Hard Place

Do you ever feel stuck? That is sort of where I'm at right now in my journey of singlehood. One minute I'm feeling like this is where God wants me to be and then the next minute I'm wanting a boyfriend or husband. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. What I'm feeling is perfectly normal. I believe that everyone feels like this at some point in their lives.

The one thing that had been lacking in my life lately is steady time in God's Word and constant prayer. My prayer life hasn't been so great the past few weeks. I know God is there, and that He hasn't left me,  and I know that why I'm feeling like this is because I haven't been in communication with God.

Think about your relationships with your friends,  or anyone,  what happens when you don't communicate with them?  Generally they don't talk to you anymore and things just aren't the way you thought they would be. This is how I'm seeing my relationship with God right now. I haven't been in communication with him and so our relationship is suffering because of it.

I challenge you today to take a look at your relationship with God and see where it's at. I'm not implying that everyone is out of communication with God,  I am simply asking you to take a look because I belive that we all run into issues with relationships,  including our relationship with God.
John 15:12-17 ESV

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command you.  No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.  These things I command you, so that you will love one another"  ~John 15:12-17 ESV