I have come to the realization this morning that I have been waiting to have some revelation or some insight into something before I make another post. I have realized that that way of thinking is getting me nowhere in my relationship with God and, in fact, is hindering my relationship. The post I made awhile back titled "I Don't Have it all Together" kept popping up in my mind. I came out and told all of my readers that I don't have things together because I want people to know that I am on a journey. Guess what, this journey is not an easy one and it will continue to have ups and downs until the day I reach Heaven.
We don't have to have it all together in order to have a relationship with God. God will love us no matter what!! He takes us in no matter who we are or who we have been and He doesn't want perfection, he doesn't expect perfection. God will love us no matter what and His love for us will never go away, despite who we are; even if we choose to walk away from God, His love for us remains steadfast and constant, unchanged.
I have been fighting so many battles from within that I have been having a tough time lately. I continually think and fear that people do not like me and that I am not as good as anyone else at anything. I always fear that I am doing something wrong at work, despite being placed in a lead teacher position after only 3 months in the field and being told that I am a great teacher and they don't want to lose me. (side story: there is a teacher that is my assistant teacher and they have had some issues with the tone of voice she uses with the children, among a few other issues...note they are 20-24 months old...and so I was approached about how things were with her and, after sharing some of my thoughts, was told that they wanted to make sure everything was okay because they did not want to lose me as a teacher, because I was a great teacher). I don't know why I continue to doubt myself and my abilities when it is clear that I love my job and am good at what I do. I question whether I want to be at this job, and then when I get there and I interact with the children, I feel joy and know that what I am doing is something I love to do and right now is where I want to be.
For example, I work four 10-hour days and so each week I have a day off. My day off is Wednesday, and so this past week I come back into work on Thursday after having Wednesday off. Before I even walk through the door, the kids are running to the door to greet me. That is why I love my job. I see their smiling faces and their open arms desiring a hug and they are such precious children. I was also told by the assistant teacher that the children had asked about me the day before and that made my heart melt, knowing that the children love me and missed me.
This blog is all over the place, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am sharing my journey, which is what the purpose of this blog is all about. I am not going to place my expectations too high anymore with the idea that whenever I post there will be some big revelation. I will post what is on my mind and share what it is like to be on a journey as a single woman who is after God's heart. That is my mission in life: to follow wherever God may lead me, single or not. I want to always be ready for whatever God has for me in my life and whether that is to forever be single or not, I will be ready with an open heart and readiness to go. Be blessed, friends!
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