Just a Spoonful of Sugar...

You know the famous line in Mary Poppins where she says, "Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down?" I think that is what we all need from time to time, but not necessarily a literal spoonful of sugar. As can probably be evidenced by my previous post, I  have been in a dry spot lately. I didn't know exactly what I needed until last night (I'll get to that in a minute) when it hit me. Sometimes when we are in a dry spot we just need some encouragement. What I have come to realize is that all I needed was to share with someone where I was at and to hear that I am not alone and that there is an end to the tunnel. Once I heard those encouraging words, I realized that was all I needed. A little encouragement can go along way, which reminded me of a spoonful of sugar.

Last night I met with my pastor. I set up the meeting because I knew I needed something and felt that I needed to talk to the pastor of my church to help me work through whatever it was I needed to work through. I have felt so dry and distant from God lately and couldn't figure out why. I began to realize one of the simplest things ever: I am in a whole new place in life and the transition is something that will take awhile to get used to, and with that my schedule of time with God is something to adjust to as well. I don't yet know what works best as there are so many things I am getting used to. Allow me to just lay some things out here, sorry if I may seem all over the place at times.

Things I am getting used to:

• Being on my own (AKA living independently in my own apartment)
• Having a full-time "adult" job
• Not being in college (not studying and not being around my friends all the time)

With these adjustments has come an interesting spot in my relationship with God. As my pastor pointed out to me, God is always there until we shut the door on Him. I never actually shut the door on Him. Yes, I did at times ignore Him and did not think about Him, but I never actually turned away from God and shut Him out. I still held on to my beliefs, there was just a struggle of trying to figure out what was going on and why I was feeling dry. Throughout this whole entire journey, God has been there every step of the way, leading and guiding me through, even when I felt like He was not there... He had a part in everything!

This brought me to the thought of looking back on when I was in college and what the dry spells were like then. I had times when I felt dry and that my relationship with God was not where I wanted it to be. Even in the toughest times (such as back in February) when I was dealing with a bit of depression, I still trudged along and led a Bible study. And let me tell you, some of those Bible studies were the best. Not because I had a perfect relationship with God, but rather because God was there and was leading and guiding me with each step I took. All it takes to keep you going through a desert is to know that God is there and He has you right where He wants you to be, even when your situation seems the very worst. God has you in His arms and will lead you through anything!! 

This, my friends, is what my journey is all about. Allowing God to lead and guide me with each step in life so that I may find God's will for my life and live my life fully for Him. If you're struggling, pray that God will help you in taking the next step to whatever it is that you need to do. If you struggle to open up and read the Bible like I currently am struggling with, just say a prayer before you read and allow God to lead you. He is there waiting with open arms, all you have to do is run to Him and ask for His help. Be blessed, friends!

...God Still Loves Me

I have come to the realization this morning that I have been waiting to have some revelation or some insight into something before I  make another post. I have realized that that way of thinking is getting me nowhere in my relationship with God and, in fact, is hindering my relationship. The post I made awhile back titled "I Don't Have it all Together" kept popping up in my mind. I came out and told all of my readers that I don't have things together because I want people to know that I am on a journey. Guess what, this journey is not an easy one and it will continue to have ups and downs until the day I reach Heaven.

We don't have to have it all together in order to have a relationship with God. God will love us no matter what!! He takes us in no matter who we are or who we have been and He doesn't want perfection, he doesn't expect perfection. God will love us no matter what and His love for us will never go away, despite who we are; even if we choose to walk away from God, His love for us remains steadfast and constant, unchanged.

I have been fighting so many battles from within that I have been having a tough time lately. I continually think and fear that people do not like me and that I am not as good as anyone else at anything. I always fear that I am doing something wrong at work, despite being placed in a lead teacher position after only 3 months in the field and being told that I am a great teacher and they don't want to lose me. (side story: there is a teacher that is my assistant teacher and they have had some issues with the tone of voice she uses with the children, among a few other issues...note they are 20-24 months old...and so I was approached about how things were with her and, after sharing some of my thoughts, was told that they wanted to make sure everything was okay because they did not want to lose me as a teacher, because I was a great teacher). I don't know why I continue to doubt myself and my abilities when it is clear that I love my job and am good at what I do. I question whether I want to be at this job, and then when I get there and I interact with the children, I feel joy and know that what I am doing is something I love to do and right now is where I want to be.

For example, I work four 10-hour days and so each week I have a day off. My day off is Wednesday, and so this past week I come back into work on Thursday after having Wednesday off. Before I even walk through the door, the kids are running to the door to greet me. That is why I love my job. I see their smiling faces and their open arms desiring a hug and they are such precious children. I was also told by the assistant teacher that the children had asked about me the day before and that made my heart melt, knowing that the children love me and missed me.

This blog is all over the place, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am sharing my journey, which is what the purpose of this blog is all about. I am not going to place my expectations too high anymore with the idea that whenever I post there will be some big revelation. I will post what is on my mind and share what it is like to be on a journey as a single woman who is after God's heart. That is my mission in life: to follow wherever God may lead me, single or not. I want to always be ready for whatever God has for me in my life and whether that is to forever be single or not, I will be ready with an open heart and readiness to go. Be blessed, friends!